23 Chapters
100
Dead Ringer
The boy was the first responder; mother jolting on the sofa. Fingers dancing.
"Breathe Ivy Ivy, are you there? Ivy! Open your mouth."
"Why is Mom making that scary sound?"
"Open your mouth Ivy."
6:03. The Daily Show is on.
"Why you do that to Mom's mouth?"
"Get it out baby. She's frothing. Look out son, I'm bringing her down."
"Why Mom making that sound? Breathe! Mom why Mom not breathing?"
It's alright honey. XXXX! Bring me the phone. Please. Ivy! Are you with me? The phone! Get the phone boy! Breathe!"
"Mom stop making that sound Dad. Breathe Ivy!"
100
Call Waiting
"Why doesn't this not do what I say? Boy! Get MY phone. Hurry! Ivy! Are you with me? Hello! I need an ambulance to my house. It's yellow. Ivy! No, it's not o.k. My wife is having a seizure."
"Calm down sir. We have dispatched paramedics to your location."
"Ivy!"
"Sir, calm down and do exactly as I say. Is the patient breathing?"
"It's my wife. I don't know. Maybe. She's coming out of it. Ivy! Are you there? Are you breathing?"
"Mom is not breathing."
"Ivy! What day is it?"
"Sir! Calm down and do exactly as I say."
100
Memory Trip
""How are you? Has it sunk in? No. I'm whispering."
He ducks out. Gopher heads pop out of the cubicles. He presses the phone to his ear as he makes for the door. "I have to get out of here."
He starts into the bathroom. Stops. "The money will take care of itself. We've got the means and motive. I can't sit around and wait for it."
He tries the stairwell. It's the lunch rush. "Mexico. The neurosurgeon said flying's fine. Chistmas poolside. Besides, it's good for the boy; culture and something in the vault in case of the worst."
100
Stroke
Dog-paddling, he says she has pretty feet. She goes, "I hear you fine Mom. It's not quite Mexico. The neurologist says flying with aneurysms is fine." The boy splashes water in his nose.
He sinks to the bottom where he can touch the sun.
"United bumped us in San Francisco. I'm still mad. He made me hike up the crookedest street in the world."
On his back the sun is piercing but without form.
"We miss you. Christmas sucks without family around."
He pushes off hard for the other side. The boy clings to the wall in the deep end.
100
Sand Box
His pants are already dirty and the laundry isn't even done.
"Why Mom have the procejure for her seijure?"
A weak Sun and windy.
"Mom has doctors telling her that's the best idea. That's all they got."
The boy moves sand from one hole into another.
"Will procejure make her seijure feel better?"
"Hopefully. Come here. Your hands are blue. Here. Put these socks on your hands. They're all I've got."
A girl at the jungle gym butts in, "Weird. Why does he have socks on his hands?"
The boy picks up his shovel. "It's the best idea Dad gots."
100
Strut Bussing
He's not smoking, that's why. That undercurrent of need. The quivering nervous; not knowing. Has he already had his last? That's a long time to sit, waiting. The 101 blazes into town; the freeway an artery. Feeding people. The skyline is jagged and insistent. Buildings jut like kings pointing their embers into the clouds. His fingers twitch; he blinks. On the knoll rolling out of the treeline is a turkey. At the offramp contemplating a crossing.
At home it is always loud. Mostly static. Women. Tending to the needs. Needing. The boy swinging through the family tree. Family.
Cold turkey.
100
Punchline ER
Running in, the city looked pasted, the sky solid grey. A bum worked the offramp. The car made a funny sound.
"I'm not afraid to die."
"I guess that's best." Signalling at Boren. "Considering."
She pushes his button and rolls up his window. "Do you know how to get there?"
He puts his hands at ten and two. "It's a crapshoot every time. Take what you can. You want to hear a joke?"
"Not really."
"Dude gets lost in the jungle and these Pygmies grab him and say, "It's death or Ru-Ru."
"Ru-Ru?"
"The dude says, "I'll take Ru-Ru."
100
ER Breakdown
"I'd be more afraid of being locked in a body and not able to do anything about it."
"I guess. What's it matter?" She checks her nails. Without looking, "This doesn't look right." Framed in the car window her head looks slanted against the background; like she's falling. "I'm in so much pain."
"Just over this hill baby. What's that?"
"Did you put in transmission fluid?"
"I thought you did."
"The car won't go? We're on a hill."
"I know that."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know that."
"I'm this far. I'll walk."
"How can honking help?"
100
Godmother on the Dotted Line
Paperwork under the knife; signatures for vital signs. Laid out, floresent lighting; up to one in ten never get off the table. Typed tombstones flutter.
"Leave all your stuff to me."
"Knock yourself out."
A woman with a hairnet ducks into the machines. "We need a guardian. In case."
"My Mom's crazy, but yours is a bitch."
"Mine's got money. You scared?"
"Here's the anesthetic. Count from 100."
"Not yet."
"Say goodbye?"
"Not yet." She exhales like she's been holding it.
"Just in case."
"Just smile."
"Sign it?"
"86."
A guy with hairnets over his shoes begins to push her away.
100
Expect Delays
The painters went to lunch at noon. The boy rolls their duct tape down the hospital corridor. It bounces off walls and wobbles. The dad nudges it. The boy gives chase.
"I see," checking his watch, "three possible scenarios."
"Snarios."
"Expected; the pain scares your Mom, but life goes on. Best; the procedure make the headaches better and your Mom gets her life back."
"What's three?"
The duct tape rolls into the wall and falls over.
"Look at that guy, son. That's the doctor."
A man in scrubs appoaches.
"About time. Hope you went gentle, doc."
The mask stays on.
100
Dr. Awkward
Somewhere in Holland a boy gives a dam his thumb. Beavers chew through trees for leaks. Stoners at Starbucks spill coffee and cannot staunch the flow. This one comes in looking like Gumby.
"We ended up using a stint across the neck of the aneuysm's sac. We used 150cm of platinum wire. That's a lot."
"I figured the stint from the time it took. What's the prognosis?"
"Good. She should have no problems."
"What about seizures?"
"That's not what I do."
"Will the headaches go away?"
"Your guess is as good as mine."
"That's too bad."
"It could be worse."
100
Bus Bust
Standing-room-only sloshing through a rainstorm. In the last seat left sits Rosa Parks saying, "Memories of our lives will continue in others." The windows trickled water like the world is crying over our supposed nobility.
Off the 101 and downhill to catch the 3. Turnaround pursuit uphill sprint transfer under the freeway scramble traffic by the hospitals missing the bus at the crest and down all the way it came raining. She of course wants to know what took so long.
"I just climbed you a mountain. In a downpour."
Of course he had to say he was sorry.
100
Feeling Bad
"I know it hurts."
"Tell me how it hurts. It's not about you."
He sits Indian style on a cot and watches the snow accumulate outside. He drums his crossed arms. For days.
"You don't care. You never do anything for me."
"I do everything I can. I'm not perfect. I got you icecream and painted your toenails. You're in new pajamas and have sparkly earrings."
"Dance for me. Faster."
In the center of ICU he threw it down.
"You're competing with the t.v. I'm missing the best part. Go to sleep."
Finally the nurse arrives with the pain meds.
100
Smarteries
Two cowboys couldn't hold her down. Straining out the pain on the sofa with the ice pack and tv on. The boy stroking her hair and offering candy. Him thinking of a Hemingway story where the Indian cut his throat over his squaw's screams. That's backwards.
"Where is it?"
"All over."
"Breathe baby, don't bear down on it. You'll anger the aneurysm."
"Laughing hurts."
"You want me to paint your nails?"
"You hungry Mom? Try these thingymajingies."
"Give her room son, I think she's going to blow."
"Pull out my feeding tube."
"You heard the lady. Go to it boy."
100
Ticket to Ride
A strange part of the city is new forever, or do you just bring your work from before the fire? Scorched core lit up with a wire running to the last building standing.
It's less dangerous with the lights out. She plays video games. For weeks. He folds clothes. "Quit looking at me like that. It's my life. I'll throw it away if I want to," sideways, "I'm doing pretty good, considering."
He can't just not get off the bus; not ride it till it's as far away as it gets then start walking. Not just leave them. Start new.
100
Firing Line
The job's to keep the job. Mum's the word. Quietly catching the bus before dawn.
How you sound on the phone telling your boss you'll be late; the man running across the street mouthing words. His hand in the air and eyes wide-open. The lady at the bus stop downtown, always talking. The men idle around the parking lot by the stop. They hold cigarettes in a straight line by their hips.
Who's not surprised to look down and see we're smoking, holding a soda, arriving home? Where have we been? Second-hand vacations; a streetcorner and a strange tongue.
100
The Early Worm
It's got to be worse than being unemployed. Making too much to get welfare, but not enough to keep your wife alive.
Alarmed, engage snooze twice before rising. Hit snooze for third time before responding. Remove
covers in one vigorous corner folding motion. From foot of bed, tiptoe to reset clock. Remove underwear. Scratch thighs and buttocks moving to kitchen. From refrigerator remove 16 oz. glass tumbler of coffee liberally doctored with non-dairy creamer. Guzzle sixty-six percent of coffee. Place tumbler on kitchen counter.
Gently. You do not want to wake the bear.
We close our eyes when kissing.
100
Mouth to Mouth
Her body vibrated and eyes clouded. He pressed all his weight into screaming air through rigid teeth. She'd gone blue. A breath shimmered.
Shave face. Sink. Drag blade. Go shower. Twist hot. Enter quickly. Rinse hair, body. Apply soap to hands. Avoid tiny soap. No soap smaller than thumb. Apply lather to pits. Left to right. Rub belly, insert left index finger in belly button. Say, "XXX and Ivy." Lather crotch. Soap legs and feet. Rinse thoroughly. Soap face, ears, neck and chest. Rinse. Blow nose in hands and rinse. Rinse. Squeeze water from hair. Turn tap. Open curtain.
Foggy.
100
Comfort and Joy
The farmacy lady lets him pick a cookie. She has water in her eyes. He likes green more than red. Red hurts.
"What do you say?"
"Thank you."
"You're quite welcome. So special. Have her let me know if the anti-seizure medications make her crazy."
"I'll let her know."
"Mom had a seijure but she'll get better."
Dad takes farmacist bag and weighs it.
"Merry Christmas. Look for Santa Claus."
Dad takes boy by the hand down islands of dipers. Sizzers. Soop. Dad goes knees. He waters in eyes. Hugs boy.
"Come on Dad. Crying won't help. Share my cookie?"
100
Goner
They brought out candles for her birthday dinner. The men had eggs poached in the microwave. She was appalled.
"Remember reading about electricity, boy? That's how those eggs got hot in the microwave. It made their atoms shake."
"Like Mom's brain in the seijure."
"Sei-zure."
"Sunny-side up."
He had potatoes with Tampico. She, the french toast with Ranch dressing. The boy ate the baby carrots with syrup.
"There's diversity, boy. Look here, like nothing you've ever tasted."
The boy looked to her for guidance. She threw her head back and snored.
"Don't do that. You know how it scares me."
100
The Princess and the Pea
She squirrels away little things. That's what the other one had called her. "Nutty." Then this one had out of the blue started using it. Her hand slipped into a familiar place.
A knock. "You there?"
"Yeah. Come in."
"It's so dark in here. Want this light?"
"No! Turn it off. Please."
"What you doing?"
"Going through some things."
"Good things?"
"All kinds of things. Do you miss old lovers?"
"I do miss some things; what we'd have if we'd stayed together."
"You don't have anything now? What am I?"
"I put you in a place, honey."
Safe keeping..
100
Financial Hardship
"You applied? Everywhere? For everything?"
"We going to make it?"
"Not at this rate. You need to get a real job. Who takes 5 years? We need insurance. We. Need. A car."
"Stop blaming me. Stop blaming me 100 times a day."
"Are you saying it's my fault?"
"I faxed 5 applications today. I try. Beats me why I'm broke. But we've waited 5 years for you to be well. Ask if you need help."
"You need help? So I have to get a job?"
"Just show me where the work is. I'll apply."
"That's what I'm afraid of."
100
Blood and Country
She says to the t.v., "Thanks a lot Barack, for nothing. We need healthcare yesterday."
"We make 1500 phone calls to hire the Donks and they cut the student loan interest in half, but not for existing loans. They gave a break to the Generation Y slackers who didn't even bother to vote."
"It's the Mexicans. That's why DSHS cut my coverage."
"Don't blame the beaners. Blame me. I do."
"Me too. No. I'm joking. It's a rightwing conspiracy."
"Family values."
"Value the family."
"My Mom is passing me around like a shining example because I haven't cut and run."
100
Involuntary Spasms
Traffic backs up as the taxi waits to turn. Someone honks.
"How much were the pills?"
"I didn't look. They're all crooks. The bank, the phone company, the doctors. I've had it." Her phone rings.
"Come on," the cabbie says to the oncoming traffic.
"This is she," she says. "You were late. I had to go to the hospital. Right. I ordered delivery, but I called and said I'd be out. No we're not paying. Just bring it."
The boy starts crying.
"No! I can't hold. Please!" She screams and throws the phone on the floorboard.
Driver hits the gas, horn blaring.
66
Open mouth and insert toothbrush. Activate bristles with thumb. Brush dry, thoroughly. Rotate starting point from molar to molar each morning. Tongue last, spit and rinse with right hand. With deodorant applicator in right hand, coat left pit with four strokes. Switch applicator to left hand, apply to right pit. Recap applicator and return to medicine cabinet. Select cologne with right hand and apply to chest.
65
Remove from drawer one pair of socks and one pair of underwear appropriate to the day's need for luck, sex, or mundanity. Select from closet white t-shirt, slacks, shirt. Find boots. Fluffing testicles, apply underwear, t-shirt, socks, slacks, and boots. Collect watch, jewelry, chapstick, lighter, key, quarters, phone, notebook, wallet, and Parker. Thread belt and fasten buckle. Unplug laptop and insert in bag. Shoulder bag.
-phone call about consultation and vault
-Simple Seizures
-GONERS
-Dead Ringer
-Memories of our lives, works, and deeds will continue in others. Rosa Parks
--Running over the mountain, let off the 101 and chasing the 3 up and over Pill Hill.
"So it was big?"
"We got there in time."
"So it was 150 millimeters?"
"Yeah, one and a half centimeters in diameter."
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Americans vs. The Aneurysm.3
100
Dead Ringer
The boy was the first responder; mother jolting on the sofa. Fingers dancing.
"Breathe Ivy Ivy, are you there? Ivy! Open your mouth."
"Why is Mom making that scary sound?"
"Open your mouth Ivy."
6:03. The Daily Show is on.
"Why you do that to Mom's mouth?"
"Get it out baby. She's frothing. Look out son, I'm bringing her down."
"Why Mom making that sound? Breathe! Mom why Mom not breathing?"
It's alright honey. Levi! Bring me the phone. Please. Ivy! Are you with me? The phone! Get the phone boy! Breathe!"
"Mom stop making that sound Dad. Breathe Ivy!"
98
Call Waiting
"Why doesn't this not do what I say? Boy! Get MY phone. Hurry! Ivy! Are you with me? Hello! I need an ambulance to my house. It's yellow. Ivy! It's o.k. My wife is having a seizure."
"Calm down sir. We have dispatched paramedics to your location."
"Ivy!"
"Sir, calm down and do exactly as I say. Is the patient breathing?"
"It's my wife. I don't know. Maybe. She's coming out of it. Ivy! Are you there? Are you breathing?"
"Mom is not breathing."
"Ivy! What day is it?"
"Sir! Calm down and do exactly as I say."
102
Sand Box
His pants were already dirty and the laundry wasn't even done.
"Why Mom have the procedure for her seijure?"
A weak Sun and windy.
"Mom has a bunch of doctors telling her that's the best idea. That's all they got."
The boy put sand from one hole into another.
"Will procedure make her seijure feel better?"
"Come here. Your hands are blue. Here. Put these socks on your hands. They're all I've got."
A girl at the jungle gym butted in, "Weird. Why does he have socks on his hands?"
The boy picked up his shovel. "It's the best idea Dad gots."
100
Bus Strutting
He wasn't smoking, that's why. That undercurrent of need. The quivering nervous; not knowing. Would he have already had his last? That's a long time to sit, waiting. The 101 blazed into town; the freeway an artery. The Sun was a grey bruise over the water. The skyline like kings pointing their embers into the clouds. His fingers twitched; he blinked. On the knoll rolling out of the treeline was a turkey. At the offramp contemplating a crossing.
At home it was always loud. Mostly static. Women. Tending to the needs. Needing. The boy swinging through the family tree. Family.
98
Making Memories
"How are you? Has it sunk in? No. I'm whispering."
He ducked out. Gopher heads popped out of the cubicles. He pressed the phone to his ear as he made for the door. I have to get out of here."
He started into the bathroom. Stopped. "The money will take care of itself. We've got the means and motive. I can't sit around and wait for it."
He tried the stairwell. Lunch rush. "Mexico. The neurosurgeon said flying's fine. Chistmas poolside. Besides, it's good for the boy; culture and something in the vault in case of the worst."
99
Stroke
Dog-paddling, he said she had pretty feet. She went, "I hear you fine Mom. It's not quite Mexico. The neurologist said flying with aneurysms was fine." The boy splashed water in his nose.
He sank to the bottom where he could touch the sun.
"United bumped us in San Francisco. I'm still mad. He made me hike up the crookedest street in the world."
On his back the sun was piercing but without form.
"We miss you. Christmas sucks without family around."
He pushed off hard for the other side. The boy hugged the wall in the deep end.
121
ER Breakdown
Running in, the city looked pasted on and the water solid. A bum worked the offramp.
"I'm not afraid to die."
"I guess that's best." Signalling at Boren. "Considering."
She pushes his button and rolls up his window. "Do you know how to get there?"
He puts his hands at ten and two. "It's a crapshoot every time. I'd be more afraid of being locked in a body and not able to do anything about it."
"This doesn't look right." Framed in the car window her head looks slanted against the background; like she's falling. "I'm in so much pain."
"Just over this hill baby. What's that?"
"Did you put in transmission fluid?"
"I thought you did. How can honking help?"
101
You Didn't Sign It
Paperwork under the knife; signatures for vital signs. Laid out, floresent lighting; up to one in ten never get off the table. Typed tombstones flutter.
"Leave all your stuff to me."
"Knock yourself out." A woman with a hairnet ducks into the machines. "Guardian.' My Mom's crazy, but yours is a bitch."
"Mine's got money. You scared?"
"Here's the anesthetic. Count from 100."
"Not yet."
"Say goodbye?"
"Not yet." She blows out her breath like she's been holding it.
"In case of the worst."
"Just smile."
"Or worse, 86."
A guy with hairnets over his shoes begins to push her away.
99
Expect Delays
The painters went to lunch at noon. The boy rolls their duct tape down the hospital corridor. It bounces off walls and wobbles. The dad nudges it. The boy gives chase.
"I see," checking his watch, "three possible scenarios."
"Snarios."
"Expected; the pain scares your Mom, but life goes on. Best; the procedure make the headaches better and your Mom gets her life back.
"Three?"
The duct tape rolls into the wall and falls over.
"Look at that guy, son. That's the doctor."
A man in scrubs appoaches.
"About time. Hope you went gentle, doc."
The mask stays on.
100
Feeling Bad
"I know it hurts."
"Tell me how it hurts. It's not about you."
He sits Indian style on a cot and watches the snow accumulate outside. He drums his crossed arms. For days.
"You don't care. You never do anything for me."
"I do everything I can. I'm not perfect. I got you icecream and painted your toenails. You're in new pajamas and have coiled earrings."
"Dance for me. Faster."
In the center of ICU he threw it down.
"You're competing with the t.v. I'm missing the best part. Go to sleep."
Finally the nurse arrives with the pain meds.
98
Smarteries
Two cowboys couldn't hold her down due to pain on the sofa with the ice pack and tv on. The boy stroking her hair and offering candy. Him thinkgking of a Hemingway story where the Indian cut his throat over his squaw's screams. That's backwards.
"Where is it?"
"All over."
"Breathe baby, don't bear down on it. You'll make milky gruel."
"Laughing hurts."
"You want me to paint your nails?"
"You hungry Mom? Try these thingymajingies."
"Give her room son, I think she's going to blow."
"Pull out my feeding tube."
"Get it boy, you heard the lady."
100
Ticket to Ride
A strange part of the city is new forever, or do you just bring your work from before the fire? Scorched core lit up with a wire running to the last building standing.
It's less dangerous with the lights out. She plays video games. For weeks. He folds clothes. "Quit looking at me like that. It's my life. I'll throw it away if I want to," sideways, "I'm doing pretty good, considering."
He can't just not get off the bus; not ride it till it's as far away as it gets then start walking. Not just leave them. Start new.
104
Firing Line
The job's to keep the job. Mum's the word. Quietly catching the bus before dawn.
The language of the street, how you sound on the phone telling your boss you'll be late; letters to the man running across the street. His hand in the air and eyes wide-open.
The lady at the bus stop downtown, always talking. The men idle around the parking lot by the stop. Their cigarettes are held in a straight line by their hips.
Who's not surprised to look down and see we're smoking, holding a soda, arriving home? Where have we been? Second-hand vacations; a streetcorner. A strange tongue.
95
The Early Worm
It's worse than being unemployed. Making too much to get welfare, but not enough to keep your wife alive.
Alarmed, engage snooze twice before rising. Hit snooze for third time before responding to alarm. Remove covers in one vigorous corner folding motion. From foot of bed, tiptoe to reset alarm clock. Remove underwear. Scratch thighs and buttocks moving to kitchen. From refrigerator remove 16 oz. glass tumbler of coffee liberally doctored with non-dairy creamer previous night. Guzzle sixty-six percent of coffee. Place tumbler on kitchen counter.
Gently. You do not want to wake the bear.
99
Mouth to Mouth
Her body vibrated, eyes clouded. He pressed all his weight into screaming air through rigid teeth. She'd gone blue. A breath shimmered.
Shave face. Sink. Drag blade. Go shower. Twist hot. Enter quickly. Rinse hair, body. Apply soap to hands. Avoid tiny soap. No soap smaller than thumb. Apply lather to pits. Left to right. Rub belly, insert left index finger in belly button. Say, "XXX and Ivy." Lather crotch. Soap legs and feet. Rinse thoroughly. Soap face, ears, neck and chest. Rinse. Blow nose in hands and rinse. Rinse. Squeeze water from hair. Turn tap. Open curtain.
Foggy.
100
Comfort and Joy
The farmacy lady let him pick a cookie. She has water in her eyes. He likes green more than red. Red hurts.
"What do you say?"
"Thank you."
"You're quite welcome. So special. Have her let me know if the anti-seizure medications make her crazy."
"I'll let her know."
"Mom had a seijure but she'll get better."
Dad takes farmacist bag and weighs it.
"Merry Christmas. Look for Santa Claus."
Dad takes boy by the hand down islands of dipers. Sizzers. Soop. Dad goes knees. He waters in eyes. Hugs boy.
"Come on Dad. Crying won't help. Share my cookie?"
99
Goner
They brought out candles for her french toast birthday dinner. The men had eggs poached in the microwave.
"Remember reading about electricity, boy? That's how those eggs got hot in the microwave. It made their atoms shake."
"Like Mom's brain in the seijure."
"Sei-zure."
"I'm fine."
He had pototoes with Tampico. She, the french toast with Ranch dressing. The boy ate the baby carrots with syrup.
"There's diversity, boy. Look here, like nothing you've ever tasted."
The boy looked to her for guidance. She threw her head back and snored.
"Don't do that. You know how it scares me."
100
The Princess and the Pea
She squirrels away little things. That's what the other one had called her. "Chippie." Then this one had out of the blue started using it. Her hand slipped into a familiar place.
A knock at the door. "You there?"
"Yeah, Mom. Come in."
"It's so dark in here. Want this light?"
"No! Turn it off. Please."
"What you doing?"
"Going through some things."
"Good things?"
"All kinds of things. Do you miss Dad?"
"I do miss some things; what we'd have if we'd stayed together."
"You don't have anything now? What am I?"
"I put you in a place, honey."
100
Financial Hardship
"I applied. Everywhere. For everything."
"We going to make it?"
"Not at this rate. You need to get a real job. Who takes 5 years? We need insurance. We. Need. A car."
"Stop blaming me. Stop blaming me 100 times a day."
"Are you saying it's my fault?"
"I sent out 5 applications today. I try. Beats me why I'm broke. But we've waited 5 years for you to be well. Ask if you need help."
"You need help? So I have to get a job?"
"Just show me where the work is. I'll go do it."
"I'm so scared."
101
Blood and Country
She says to the t.v., "Thanks a lot Barack, for nothing. We need health care yesterday."
"We make 1500 phone calls to hire the Donks and they cut the student loan interest in half, but not for existing loans. They gave a break to the Generation Y slackers who didn't even bother to vote."
"It's the Mexicans. That's why DSHS cut my coverage."
"Don't blame the beaners. Blame me. I do."
"Me too. No. I'm joking. It's a rightwing conspiracy."
"Family values."
"Family screws you."
"My Mom is passing me around like a shining example because I haven't cut and run."
102
Involuntary Spasms
Traffic backs up as the cab waits to turn. Someone honks.
"How much were the pills?"
"I didn't look. They're all crooks. The bank, the phone company, the doctors. I've had it." Her phone rings.
"Come on." the cabbie says to the oncoming traffic.
"This is she," she says. "You were late. I had to go to the hospital. Right. I ordered delivery, but I called and said I'd be out. No we won't. Just bring it over."
The boy starts crying.
"No! I can't hold. Please!" She screams and throws the phone on the floorboard.
Driver hits the gas, horn blaring.
66
Open mouth and insert toothbrush. Activate bristles with thumb. Brush dry, thoroughly. Rotate starting point from molar to molar each morning. Tongue last, spit and rinse with right hand. With deodorant applicator in right hand, coat left pit with four strokes. Switch applicator to left hand, apply to right pit. Recap applicator and return to medicine cabinet. Select cologne with right hand and apply to chest.
65
Remove from drawer one pair of socks and one pair of underwear appropriate to the day's need for luck, sex, or mundanity. Select from closet white t-shirt, slacks, shirt. Find boots. Fluffing testicles, apply underwear, t-shirt, socks, slacks, and boots. Collect watch, jewelry, chapstick, lighter, key, quarters, phone, notebook, wallet, and Parker. Thread belt and fasten buckle. Unplug laptop and insert in bag. Shoulder bag.
-Running over the mountain, let off the 101 and chasing the 3 up and over Pill Hill.
-phone call about consultation and vault
-GONERS
-Dead Ringer
Dead Ringer
The boy was the first responder; mother jolting on the sofa. Fingers dancing.
"Breathe Ivy Ivy, are you there? Ivy! Open your mouth."
"Why is Mom making that scary sound?"
"Open your mouth Ivy."
6:03. The Daily Show is on.
"Why you do that to Mom's mouth?"
"Get it out baby. She's frothing. Look out son, I'm bringing her down."
"Why Mom making that sound? Breathe! Mom why Mom not breathing?"
It's alright honey. Levi! Bring me the phone. Please. Ivy! Are you with me? The phone! Get the phone boy! Breathe!"
"Mom stop making that sound Dad. Breathe Ivy!"
98
Call Waiting
"Why doesn't this not do what I say? Boy! Get MY phone. Hurry! Ivy! Are you with me? Hello! I need an ambulance to my house. It's yellow. Ivy! It's o.k. My wife is having a seizure."
"Calm down sir. We have dispatched paramedics to your location."
"Ivy!"
"Sir, calm down and do exactly as I say. Is the patient breathing?"
"It's my wife. I don't know. Maybe. She's coming out of it. Ivy! Are you there? Are you breathing?"
"Mom is not breathing."
"Ivy! What day is it?"
"Sir! Calm down and do exactly as I say."
102
Sand Box
His pants were already dirty and the laundry wasn't even done.
"Why Mom have the procedure for her seijure?"
A weak Sun and windy.
"Mom has a bunch of doctors telling her that's the best idea. That's all they got."
The boy put sand from one hole into another.
"Will procedure make her seijure feel better?"
"Come here. Your hands are blue. Here. Put these socks on your hands. They're all I've got."
A girl at the jungle gym butted in, "Weird. Why does he have socks on his hands?"
The boy picked up his shovel. "It's the best idea Dad gots."
100
Bus Strutting
He wasn't smoking, that's why. That undercurrent of need. The quivering nervous; not knowing. Would he have already had his last? That's a long time to sit, waiting. The 101 blazed into town; the freeway an artery. The Sun was a grey bruise over the water. The skyline like kings pointing their embers into the clouds. His fingers twitched; he blinked. On the knoll rolling out of the treeline was a turkey. At the offramp contemplating a crossing.
At home it was always loud. Mostly static. Women. Tending to the needs. Needing. The boy swinging through the family tree. Family.
98
Making Memories
"How are you? Has it sunk in? No. I'm whispering."
He ducked out. Gopher heads popped out of the cubicles. He pressed the phone to his ear as he made for the door. I have to get out of here."
He started into the bathroom. Stopped. "The money will take care of itself. We've got the means and motive. I can't sit around and wait for it."
He tried the stairwell. Lunch rush. "Mexico. The neurosurgeon said flying's fine. Chistmas poolside. Besides, it's good for the boy; culture and something in the vault in case of the worst."
99
Stroke
Dog-paddling, he said she had pretty feet. She went, "I hear you fine Mom. It's not quite Mexico. The neurologist said flying with aneurysms was fine." The boy splashed water in his nose.
He sank to the bottom where he could touch the sun.
"United bumped us in San Francisco. I'm still mad. He made me hike up the crookedest street in the world."
On his back the sun was piercing but without form.
"We miss you. Christmas sucks without family around."
He pushed off hard for the other side. The boy hugged the wall in the deep end.
121
ER Breakdown
Running in, the city looked pasted on and the water solid. A bum worked the offramp.
"I'm not afraid to die."
"I guess that's best." Signalling at Boren. "Considering."
She pushes his button and rolls up his window. "Do you know how to get there?"
He puts his hands at ten and two. "It's a crapshoot every time. I'd be more afraid of being locked in a body and not able to do anything about it."
"This doesn't look right." Framed in the car window her head looks slanted against the background; like she's falling. "I'm in so much pain."
"Just over this hill baby. What's that?"
"Did you put in transmission fluid?"
"I thought you did. How can honking help?"
101
You Didn't Sign It
Paperwork under the knife; signatures for vital signs. Laid out, floresent lighting; up to one in ten never get off the table. Typed tombstones flutter.
"Leave all your stuff to me."
"Knock yourself out." A woman with a hairnet ducks into the machines. "Guardian.' My Mom's crazy, but yours is a bitch."
"Mine's got money. You scared?"
"Here's the anesthetic. Count from 100."
"Not yet."
"Say goodbye?"
"Not yet." She blows out her breath like she's been holding it.
"In case of the worst."
"Just smile."
"Or worse, 86."
A guy with hairnets over his shoes begins to push her away.
99
Expect Delays
The painters went to lunch at noon. The boy rolls their duct tape down the hospital corridor. It bounces off walls and wobbles. The dad nudges it. The boy gives chase.
"I see," checking his watch, "three possible scenarios."
"Snarios."
"Expected; the pain scares your Mom, but life goes on. Best; the procedure make the headaches better and your Mom gets her life back.
"Three?"
The duct tape rolls into the wall and falls over.
"Look at that guy, son. That's the doctor."
A man in scrubs appoaches.
"About time. Hope you went gentle, doc."
The mask stays on.
100
Feeling Bad
"I know it hurts."
"Tell me how it hurts. It's not about you."
He sits Indian style on a cot and watches the snow accumulate outside. He drums his crossed arms. For days.
"You don't care. You never do anything for me."
"I do everything I can. I'm not perfect. I got you icecream and painted your toenails. You're in new pajamas and have coiled earrings."
"Dance for me. Faster."
In the center of ICU he threw it down.
"You're competing with the t.v. I'm missing the best part. Go to sleep."
Finally the nurse arrives with the pain meds.
98
Smarteries
Two cowboys couldn't hold her down due to pain on the sofa with the ice pack and tv on. The boy stroking her hair and offering candy. Him thinkgking of a Hemingway story where the Indian cut his throat over his squaw's screams. That's backwards.
"Where is it?"
"All over."
"Breathe baby, don't bear down on it. You'll make milky gruel."
"Laughing hurts."
"You want me to paint your nails?"
"You hungry Mom? Try these thingymajingies."
"Give her room son, I think she's going to blow."
"Pull out my feeding tube."
"Get it boy, you heard the lady."
100
Ticket to Ride
A strange part of the city is new forever, or do you just bring your work from before the fire? Scorched core lit up with a wire running to the last building standing.
It's less dangerous with the lights out. She plays video games. For weeks. He folds clothes. "Quit looking at me like that. It's my life. I'll throw it away if I want to," sideways, "I'm doing pretty good, considering."
He can't just not get off the bus; not ride it till it's as far away as it gets then start walking. Not just leave them. Start new.
104
Firing Line
The job's to keep the job. Mum's the word. Quietly catching the bus before dawn.
The language of the street, how you sound on the phone telling your boss you'll be late; letters to the man running across the street. His hand in the air and eyes wide-open.
The lady at the bus stop downtown, always talking. The men idle around the parking lot by the stop. Their cigarettes are held in a straight line by their hips.
Who's not surprised to look down and see we're smoking, holding a soda, arriving home? Where have we been? Second-hand vacations; a streetcorner. A strange tongue.
95
The Early Worm
It's worse than being unemployed. Making too much to get welfare, but not enough to keep your wife alive.
Alarmed, engage snooze twice before rising. Hit snooze for third time before responding to alarm. Remove covers in one vigorous corner folding motion. From foot of bed, tiptoe to reset alarm clock. Remove underwear. Scratch thighs and buttocks moving to kitchen. From refrigerator remove 16 oz. glass tumbler of coffee liberally doctored with non-dairy creamer previous night. Guzzle sixty-six percent of coffee. Place tumbler on kitchen counter.
Gently. You do not want to wake the bear.
99
Mouth to Mouth
Her body vibrated, eyes clouded. He pressed all his weight into screaming air through rigid teeth. She'd gone blue. A breath shimmered.
Shave face. Sink. Drag blade. Go shower. Twist hot. Enter quickly. Rinse hair, body. Apply soap to hands. Avoid tiny soap. No soap smaller than thumb. Apply lather to pits. Left to right. Rub belly, insert left index finger in belly button. Say, "XXX and Ivy." Lather crotch. Soap legs and feet. Rinse thoroughly. Soap face, ears, neck and chest. Rinse. Blow nose in hands and rinse. Rinse. Squeeze water from hair. Turn tap. Open curtain.
Foggy.
100
Comfort and Joy
The farmacy lady let him pick a cookie. She has water in her eyes. He likes green more than red. Red hurts.
"What do you say?"
"Thank you."
"You're quite welcome. So special. Have her let me know if the anti-seizure medications make her crazy."
"I'll let her know."
"Mom had a seijure but she'll get better."
Dad takes farmacist bag and weighs it.
"Merry Christmas. Look for Santa Claus."
Dad takes boy by the hand down islands of dipers. Sizzers. Soop. Dad goes knees. He waters in eyes. Hugs boy.
"Come on Dad. Crying won't help. Share my cookie?"
99
Goner
They brought out candles for her french toast birthday dinner. The men had eggs poached in the microwave.
"Remember reading about electricity, boy? That's how those eggs got hot in the microwave. It made their atoms shake."
"Like Mom's brain in the seijure."
"Sei-zure."
"I'm fine."
He had pototoes with Tampico. She, the french toast with Ranch dressing. The boy ate the baby carrots with syrup.
"There's diversity, boy. Look here, like nothing you've ever tasted."
The boy looked to her for guidance. She threw her head back and snored.
"Don't do that. You know how it scares me."
100
The Princess and the Pea
She squirrels away little things. That's what the other one had called her. "Chippie." Then this one had out of the blue started using it. Her hand slipped into a familiar place.
A knock at the door. "You there?"
"Yeah, Mom. Come in."
"It's so dark in here. Want this light?"
"No! Turn it off. Please."
"What you doing?"
"Going through some things."
"Good things?"
"All kinds of things. Do you miss Dad?"
"I do miss some things; what we'd have if we'd stayed together."
"You don't have anything now? What am I?"
"I put you in a place, honey."
100
Financial Hardship
"I applied. Everywhere. For everything."
"We going to make it?"
"Not at this rate. You need to get a real job. Who takes 5 years? We need insurance. We. Need. A car."
"Stop blaming me. Stop blaming me 100 times a day."
"Are you saying it's my fault?"
"I sent out 5 applications today. I try. Beats me why I'm broke. But we've waited 5 years for you to be well. Ask if you need help."
"You need help? So I have to get a job?"
"Just show me where the work is. I'll go do it."
"I'm so scared."
101
Blood and Country
She says to the t.v., "Thanks a lot Barack, for nothing. We need health care yesterday."
"We make 1500 phone calls to hire the Donks and they cut the student loan interest in half, but not for existing loans. They gave a break to the Generation Y slackers who didn't even bother to vote."
"It's the Mexicans. That's why DSHS cut my coverage."
"Don't blame the beaners. Blame me. I do."
"Me too. No. I'm joking. It's a rightwing conspiracy."
"Family values."
"Family screws you."
"My Mom is passing me around like a shining example because I haven't cut and run."
102
Involuntary Spasms
Traffic backs up as the cab waits to turn. Someone honks.
"How much were the pills?"
"I didn't look. They're all crooks. The bank, the phone company, the doctors. I've had it." Her phone rings.
"Come on." the cabbie says to the oncoming traffic.
"This is she," she says. "You were late. I had to go to the hospital. Right. I ordered delivery, but I called and said I'd be out. No we won't. Just bring it over."
The boy starts crying.
"No! I can't hold. Please!" She screams and throws the phone on the floorboard.
Driver hits the gas, horn blaring.
66
Open mouth and insert toothbrush. Activate bristles with thumb. Brush dry, thoroughly. Rotate starting point from molar to molar each morning. Tongue last, spit and rinse with right hand. With deodorant applicator in right hand, coat left pit with four strokes. Switch applicator to left hand, apply to right pit. Recap applicator and return to medicine cabinet. Select cologne with right hand and apply to chest.
65
Remove from drawer one pair of socks and one pair of underwear appropriate to the day's need for luck, sex, or mundanity. Select from closet white t-shirt, slacks, shirt. Find boots. Fluffing testicles, apply underwear, t-shirt, socks, slacks, and boots. Collect watch, jewelry, chapstick, lighter, key, quarters, phone, notebook, wallet, and Parker. Thread belt and fasten buckle. Unplug laptop and insert in bag. Shoulder bag.
-Running over the mountain, let off the 101 and chasing the 3 up and over Pill Hill.
-phone call about consultation and vault
-GONERS
-Dead Ringer
Monday, February 12, 2007
Americans vs. The Aneurysm.2
-100
That Scary Sound
The boy was the first responder; Mother jolting on the sofa. Fingers dancing.
"Breathe Ivy Ivy, are you there? Ivy! Open your mouth."
"Why is Mom making that scary sound?"
"Open your mouth Ivy."
6:03. The Daily Show is on.
"Why you do that to Mom's mouth?"
"Get it out baby. She's frothing. Look out son, I'm bringing her down."
"Why Mom making that sound? Breathe! Mom why Mom not breathing?"
It's alright honey. Levi! Bring me the phone. Please. Ivy! Are you with me? The phone! Get the phone boy! Breathe!"
"Mom stop making that sound Dad. Breathe Ivy!"
-Call Waiting 104
"Why doesn't this not do what I say? Boy! Get MY phone. Hurry! Ivy! Are you with me? Hello! I need an ambulance to 932 NW Market Street. It's yellow. North side of the street. Ivy! It's o.k. My wife is having a seizure."
"Calm down sir. We have dispatched paramedics to your location."
"Ivy!"
"Sir, calm down and do exactly as I say. Is the patient breathing?"
"It's my wife. I don't know. Maybe. She's coming out of it. Ivy! Are you there? Are you breathing?"
"Mom is not breathing."
"Ivy! What day is it?"
"Sir! Calm down and do exactly as I say."
106
He wasn't smoking, that's why. That undercurrent of need. The quivering that made him nervous; not knowing. Would he have already had his last? That's a long time to sit, waiting. The 101 blazed into town. The freeway an artery. The Sun was a grey bruise over the water. The skyline like kings pointing their embers into the clouds. His fingers twitched over the keyboard and he blinked. On the knoll rolling out of the treeline was a turkey. At the offramp contemplating a crossing.
At home it was always loud. Mostly static. Women. Tending to the needs. Needing. The boy swinging through the family tree. Family.
-STROKE
Dog-paddling, he said she had pretty feet. She went, "I hear you fine Mom. It's not quite Mexico. The neurologist said flying with aneurysms was fine." The boy splashed water in his nose.
He sank to the bottom where he could touch the sun.
"United bumped us in San Francisco. I'm still mad. He made me hike up the crookedest street in the world."
On his back the sun was piercing but without form.
"We miss you. Christmas sucks without family around."
He pushed off hard for the other side. The boy hugged the wall in the deep end.
-ER Breakdown 100
Running in, the city looked pasted on and the water solid. A bum worked the offramp.
"I'm not afraid to die."
"I guess that's best." Signalling at Boren. "Considering."
She pushes his button and rolls up his window. "Do you know how to get there?"
He puts his hands at ten and two. "It's a crapshoot every time. I'd be more afraid of being locked in a body and not able to do anything about it."
"This doesn't look right." Framed in the car window her head looks slanted against the background; like she's falling. "I'm in so much pain."
"Just over this hill baby. What's that?"
"Did you put in transmission fluid?"
"I thought you did. How can honking help?"
133
The lady at the farmacy let him pick a cookie. She had water in her eyes. He likes green more than red. Red hurts.
"What do you say?"
"Thank you."
"You're quite welcome. So special. Have her let me know if the anti-seizure medications crazy."
"I'll let her know."
"Mom had a seijure but she is better."
"Thanks. Merry Christmas," Dad said. He takes the farmacist bag and weighs it.
"Merry Christmas to you. Look for Santa Claus."
He takes the boy by the hand and leads him down the aisle for paper and sizzers. Then they are where the soop is. After that it is coffee. Then Dad drops on one knee. He has water in his eyes. He hugs the boy.
"Come on Dad. Crying won't help. Want to share my cookie?"
-100
You Didn't Sign It
Paperwork under the knife; signatures for vital signs. Laid out, floresent lighting; up to one in ten never get off the table. Typed tombstones flutter.
"Leave all your stuff to me."
"Knock yourself out." A woman with a hairnet ducks into the machines.
"Guardian. My Mom's crazy, but yours is a bitch."
"Mine's got money. You scared?"
"Here's the anesthetic. Count from 100."
"Not yet."
"Say goodbye?"
"Not yet." She blows out her breath like she's been holding it.
"In case of the worst."
"Just smile."
"Or worse, 86."
A guy with hairnets over his shoes begins to push her away.
100
I Don't Feel Good
"I know it hurts."
"Tell me how it hurts. It's not about you."
He sits Indian style on a cot and watches the snow accumulate outside. He drums his crossed arms. For days.
"You don't care. You never do anything for me."
"I do everything I can. I'm not perfect. I got you icecream and painted your toenails. You're in new pajamas and have coiled earrings."
"Dance for me. Faster."
In the center of ICU he threw it down.
"You're competing with the t.v. I'm missing the best part. Go to sleep."
Finally the nurse arrives with the pain meds.
100
The job's to keep the job. Mum's the word. Quietly catching the bus before dawn.
The language of the street, how you sound on the phone telling your boss you'll be late; letters to the man running across the street. His hand in the air and eyes wide-open.
The lady at the bus stop downtown, always talking. The men idle around the parking lot by the stop. Their cigarettes are held in a straight line by their hips.
Who's not surprised to look down and see we're smoking, holding a soda, arriving home? Where have we been? Second-hand vacations; a streetcorner. A strange tongue.
98
It's worse than being unemployed. Making too much to get welfare, but not enough to keep your wife alive.
Alarmed, engage snooze twice before rising. Hit snooze for third time before responding to alarm. Remove covers in one vigorous corner folding motion. From foot of bed, tiptoe to reset alarm clock. Remove underwear. Scratch thighs and buttocks as moving to kitchen. From refrigerator remove 16 oz. glass tumbler of coffee liberally doctored with non-dairy creamer previous night. Guzzle sixty-six percent of coffee. Place tumbler on kitchen counter.
Gently. You do not want to wake the bear.
120
Mouth to Mouth
Her body had vibrated and eyes clouded. He had pressed all his weight into her and slammed his mouth into hers, rigid. She'd gone blue. A breath shimmered.
Shave face. Bathroom sink. Drag blade. Approach shower. Turn on hot. Enter immediately. Rinse hair and body. Apply Ivory soap to hands. Avoid tiny soap. Discard soap smaller than thumb. Apply lather to pits. Left to right. Rub belly, insert left index finger in belly button. Say, "XXX and Ivy." Relather for pubic then anal regions. Apply soap to hands. Wash each leg and foot. Plan wardrobe. Rinse thoroughly. Apply soap to face, ears, neck and chest. Rinse. Blow nose in hands and rinse. Rinse. Squeeze water from hair. Turn tap.
Foggy.
128
They brought out candles for her french toast birthday dinner. The men had eggs poached in the microwave.
"Remember reading about electricity, boy? How the electrons jump from one atom to another? That's how those eggs got hot in the microwave. It cooked them by making their atoms shake."
"Like Mom's brain in the seijure."
"Sei-zure."
"That's not it at all. I'm fine."
He ate the pototoes with Tampico. She ate the french toast with Ranch dressing. The boy ate the baby carrots with syrup.
"There's diversity, boy. Look here, I'm mixing up the Tampico with the Ranch dressing now."
The boy looke to her for guidance. She threw her head back and snored.
"Don't do that. You know how it scares me. Think of the boy."
107
The Princess and the Pea
She has little things squirrelled away. That's what the other one had called her. "Chippie." Then this one had out of the blue started using it. Her hand slipped into a familiar place.
A knock at the door. "You in there?"
"Yeah, Mom. Come in."
"It's so dark in here. You want this light?"
"No! Turn it off. Please."
"What are you doing?"
"Going through some things."
"Good things?"
"All kinds of things. Do you miss Dad?"
"I do miss some things. What we'd have if we'd stayed together."
"You don't have anything now? What am I?"
"I put you in a place, honey. I had to."
116
Financial Hardship
"I applied. Everywhere. For everything."
"Are we going to make it?"
"Not at this rate. You need to get a real job. Who takes 5 years? We need insurance. We. Need. A car."
"Stop blaming me. Stop blaming me 100 times a day."
"Are you saying it's my fault."
"Yeah, right. I sent out 5 applications today. I try. I have no idea why I'm broke. But I'm pointing back at you. We've waited 5 years for you to be well. If you need help ask for it."
"So I have to get a job. Pick up the slack. You need help?"
"Just show me where the work is and I'll go do it."
"I'm so scared."
96
"Thanks a lot Barack, for nothing. We need health care yesterday."
"We make 1500 phone calls to hire the Donks and they cut the student loan interest in half, but not for existing loans. They gave a break to the Generation Y selfish slackers who didn't even bother to vote."
"It's the Mexicans. That's why DSHS cut my coverage."
"Don't blame the beaners. Blame me. I do."
"Me too. No. I'm joking. It's a rightwing conspiracy."
"Family values."
"Family screws you."
"My Mom is passing me around like a shining example because I haven't cut and run."
100
Traffic backs up as he waits to turn. Someone honks.
"How much were the pills?"
"I didn't look. Crooks all of them. The bank, the phone company, the doctors. I've had it." Her phone rings.
"Come on." he says to the oncoming traffic.
"This is she," she says. "Yes. You were late. I had to go to the hospital. Right. I ordered groceries, but I called and said I'd be out. No we won't. Just bring the food."
The boy starts crying.
"No! I can't hold. Please!" She screams and throws the phone on the floorboard.
He hits the gas, horn blaring.
-It's my life I'll throw it away if I want to while watching me fold the clothes.
66
Open mouth and insert toothbrush. Activate bristles with thumb. Brush dry, thoroughly. Rotate starting point from molar to molar each morning. Tongue last, spit and rinse with right hand. With deodorant applicator in right hand, coat left pit with four strokes. Switch applicator to left hand, apply to right pit. Recap applicator and return to medicine cabinet. Select cologne with right hand and apply to chest.
65
Remove from drawer one pair of socks and one pair of underwear appropriate to the day's need for luck, sex, or mundanity. Select from closet white t-shirt, slacks, shirt. Find boots. Fluffing testicles, apply underwear, t-shirt, socks, slacks, and boots. Collect watch, jewelry, chapstick, lighter, key, quarters, phone, notebook, wallet, and Parker. Thread belt and fasten buckle. Unplug laptop and insert in bag. Shoulder bag.
67
"Why does Mom have the procedure for her seijure?"
Mom has a bunch of doctors tellin her that's the best idea. That's all they got."
"Will procedure make her seijure feel better?"
"Come here. Your hands are blue. I don't have your gloves. Here. Put these socks on your hands. They're all I got."
"Weird. Why does he have socks on his hands?"
"It's the best idea I gots."
-Running over the mountain, let off the 101 and chasing the 3 up and over Pill Hill.
-phone call about consultation and vault.
-duct tape, 3 scenarios, expected, best, worst. Stent = " i expected from the time frame."
-"doing pretty good, consideriign,"
That Scary Sound
The boy was the first responder; Mother jolting on the sofa. Fingers dancing.
"Breathe Ivy Ivy, are you there? Ivy! Open your mouth."
"Why is Mom making that scary sound?"
"Open your mouth Ivy."
6:03. The Daily Show is on.
"Why you do that to Mom's mouth?"
"Get it out baby. She's frothing. Look out son, I'm bringing her down."
"Why Mom making that sound? Breathe! Mom why Mom not breathing?"
It's alright honey. Levi! Bring me the phone. Please. Ivy! Are you with me? The phone! Get the phone boy! Breathe!"
"Mom stop making that sound Dad. Breathe Ivy!"
-Call Waiting 104
"Why doesn't this not do what I say? Boy! Get MY phone. Hurry! Ivy! Are you with me? Hello! I need an ambulance to 932 NW Market Street. It's yellow. North side of the street. Ivy! It's o.k. My wife is having a seizure."
"Calm down sir. We have dispatched paramedics to your location."
"Ivy!"
"Sir, calm down and do exactly as I say. Is the patient breathing?"
"It's my wife. I don't know. Maybe. She's coming out of it. Ivy! Are you there? Are you breathing?"
"Mom is not breathing."
"Ivy! What day is it?"
"Sir! Calm down and do exactly as I say."
106
He wasn't smoking, that's why. That undercurrent of need. The quivering that made him nervous; not knowing. Would he have already had his last? That's a long time to sit, waiting. The 101 blazed into town. The freeway an artery. The Sun was a grey bruise over the water. The skyline like kings pointing their embers into the clouds. His fingers twitched over the keyboard and he blinked. On the knoll rolling out of the treeline was a turkey. At the offramp contemplating a crossing.
At home it was always loud. Mostly static. Women. Tending to the needs. Needing. The boy swinging through the family tree. Family.
-STROKE
Dog-paddling, he said she had pretty feet. She went, "I hear you fine Mom. It's not quite Mexico. The neurologist said flying with aneurysms was fine." The boy splashed water in his nose.
He sank to the bottom where he could touch the sun.
"United bumped us in San Francisco. I'm still mad. He made me hike up the crookedest street in the world."
On his back the sun was piercing but without form.
"We miss you. Christmas sucks without family around."
He pushed off hard for the other side. The boy hugged the wall in the deep end.
-ER Breakdown 100
Running in, the city looked pasted on and the water solid. A bum worked the offramp.
"I'm not afraid to die."
"I guess that's best." Signalling at Boren. "Considering."
She pushes his button and rolls up his window. "Do you know how to get there?"
He puts his hands at ten and two. "It's a crapshoot every time. I'd be more afraid of being locked in a body and not able to do anything about it."
"This doesn't look right." Framed in the car window her head looks slanted against the background; like she's falling. "I'm in so much pain."
"Just over this hill baby. What's that?"
"Did you put in transmission fluid?"
"I thought you did. How can honking help?"
133
The lady at the farmacy let him pick a cookie. She had water in her eyes. He likes green more than red. Red hurts.
"What do you say?"
"Thank you."
"You're quite welcome. So special. Have her let me know if the anti-seizure medications crazy."
"I'll let her know."
"Mom had a seijure but she is better."
"Thanks. Merry Christmas," Dad said. He takes the farmacist bag and weighs it.
"Merry Christmas to you. Look for Santa Claus."
He takes the boy by the hand and leads him down the aisle for paper and sizzers. Then they are where the soop is. After that it is coffee. Then Dad drops on one knee. He has water in his eyes. He hugs the boy.
"Come on Dad. Crying won't help. Want to share my cookie?"
-100
You Didn't Sign It
Paperwork under the knife; signatures for vital signs. Laid out, floresent lighting; up to one in ten never get off the table. Typed tombstones flutter.
"Leave all your stuff to me."
"Knock yourself out." A woman with a hairnet ducks into the machines.
"Guardian. My Mom's crazy, but yours is a bitch."
"Mine's got money. You scared?"
"Here's the anesthetic. Count from 100."
"Not yet."
"Say goodbye?"
"Not yet." She blows out her breath like she's been holding it.
"In case of the worst."
"Just smile."
"Or worse, 86."
A guy with hairnets over his shoes begins to push her away.
100
I Don't Feel Good
"I know it hurts."
"Tell me how it hurts. It's not about you."
He sits Indian style on a cot and watches the snow accumulate outside. He drums his crossed arms. For days.
"You don't care. You never do anything for me."
"I do everything I can. I'm not perfect. I got you icecream and painted your toenails. You're in new pajamas and have coiled earrings."
"Dance for me. Faster."
In the center of ICU he threw it down.
"You're competing with the t.v. I'm missing the best part. Go to sleep."
Finally the nurse arrives with the pain meds.
100
The job's to keep the job. Mum's the word. Quietly catching the bus before dawn.
The language of the street, how you sound on the phone telling your boss you'll be late; letters to the man running across the street. His hand in the air and eyes wide-open.
The lady at the bus stop downtown, always talking. The men idle around the parking lot by the stop. Their cigarettes are held in a straight line by their hips.
Who's not surprised to look down and see we're smoking, holding a soda, arriving home? Where have we been? Second-hand vacations; a streetcorner. A strange tongue.
98
It's worse than being unemployed. Making too much to get welfare, but not enough to keep your wife alive.
Alarmed, engage snooze twice before rising. Hit snooze for third time before responding to alarm. Remove covers in one vigorous corner folding motion. From foot of bed, tiptoe to reset alarm clock. Remove underwear. Scratch thighs and buttocks as moving to kitchen. From refrigerator remove 16 oz. glass tumbler of coffee liberally doctored with non-dairy creamer previous night. Guzzle sixty-six percent of coffee. Place tumbler on kitchen counter.
Gently. You do not want to wake the bear.
120
Mouth to Mouth
Her body had vibrated and eyes clouded. He had pressed all his weight into her and slammed his mouth into hers, rigid. She'd gone blue. A breath shimmered.
Shave face. Bathroom sink. Drag blade. Approach shower. Turn on hot. Enter immediately. Rinse hair and body. Apply Ivory soap to hands. Avoid tiny soap. Discard soap smaller than thumb. Apply lather to pits. Left to right. Rub belly, insert left index finger in belly button. Say, "XXX and Ivy." Relather for pubic then anal regions. Apply soap to hands. Wash each leg and foot. Plan wardrobe. Rinse thoroughly. Apply soap to face, ears, neck and chest. Rinse. Blow nose in hands and rinse. Rinse. Squeeze water from hair. Turn tap.
Foggy.
128
They brought out candles for her french toast birthday dinner. The men had eggs poached in the microwave.
"Remember reading about electricity, boy? How the electrons jump from one atom to another? That's how those eggs got hot in the microwave. It cooked them by making their atoms shake."
"Like Mom's brain in the seijure."
"Sei-zure."
"That's not it at all. I'm fine."
He ate the pototoes with Tampico. She ate the french toast with Ranch dressing. The boy ate the baby carrots with syrup.
"There's diversity, boy. Look here, I'm mixing up the Tampico with the Ranch dressing now."
The boy looke to her for guidance. She threw her head back and snored.
"Don't do that. You know how it scares me. Think of the boy."
107
The Princess and the Pea
She has little things squirrelled away. That's what the other one had called her. "Chippie." Then this one had out of the blue started using it. Her hand slipped into a familiar place.
A knock at the door. "You in there?"
"Yeah, Mom. Come in."
"It's so dark in here. You want this light?"
"No! Turn it off. Please."
"What are you doing?"
"Going through some things."
"Good things?"
"All kinds of things. Do you miss Dad?"
"I do miss some things. What we'd have if we'd stayed together."
"You don't have anything now? What am I?"
"I put you in a place, honey. I had to."
116
Financial Hardship
"I applied. Everywhere. For everything."
"Are we going to make it?"
"Not at this rate. You need to get a real job. Who takes 5 years? We need insurance. We. Need. A car."
"Stop blaming me. Stop blaming me 100 times a day."
"Are you saying it's my fault."
"Yeah, right. I sent out 5 applications today. I try. I have no idea why I'm broke. But I'm pointing back at you. We've waited 5 years for you to be well. If you need help ask for it."
"So I have to get a job. Pick up the slack. You need help?"
"Just show me where the work is and I'll go do it."
"I'm so scared."
96
"Thanks a lot Barack, for nothing. We need health care yesterday."
"We make 1500 phone calls to hire the Donks and they cut the student loan interest in half, but not for existing loans. They gave a break to the Generation Y selfish slackers who didn't even bother to vote."
"It's the Mexicans. That's why DSHS cut my coverage."
"Don't blame the beaners. Blame me. I do."
"Me too. No. I'm joking. It's a rightwing conspiracy."
"Family values."
"Family screws you."
"My Mom is passing me around like a shining example because I haven't cut and run."
100
Traffic backs up as he waits to turn. Someone honks.
"How much were the pills?"
"I didn't look. Crooks all of them. The bank, the phone company, the doctors. I've had it." Her phone rings.
"Come on." he says to the oncoming traffic.
"This is she," she says. "Yes. You were late. I had to go to the hospital. Right. I ordered groceries, but I called and said I'd be out. No we won't. Just bring the food."
The boy starts crying.
"No! I can't hold. Please!" She screams and throws the phone on the floorboard.
He hits the gas, horn blaring.
-It's my life I'll throw it away if I want to while watching me fold the clothes.
66
Open mouth and insert toothbrush. Activate bristles with thumb. Brush dry, thoroughly. Rotate starting point from molar to molar each morning. Tongue last, spit and rinse with right hand. With deodorant applicator in right hand, coat left pit with four strokes. Switch applicator to left hand, apply to right pit. Recap applicator and return to medicine cabinet. Select cologne with right hand and apply to chest.
65
Remove from drawer one pair of socks and one pair of underwear appropriate to the day's need for luck, sex, or mundanity. Select from closet white t-shirt, slacks, shirt. Find boots. Fluffing testicles, apply underwear, t-shirt, socks, slacks, and boots. Collect watch, jewelry, chapstick, lighter, key, quarters, phone, notebook, wallet, and Parker. Thread belt and fasten buckle. Unplug laptop and insert in bag. Shoulder bag.
67
"Why does Mom have the procedure for her seijure?"
Mom has a bunch of doctors tellin her that's the best idea. That's all they got."
"Will procedure make her seijure feel better?"
"Come here. Your hands are blue. I don't have your gloves. Here. Put these socks on your hands. They're all I got."
"Weird. Why does he have socks on his hands?"
"It's the best idea I gots."
-Running over the mountain, let off the 101 and chasing the 3 up and over Pill Hill.
-phone call about consultation and vault.
-duct tape, 3 scenarios, expected, best, worst. Stent = " i expected from the time frame."
-"doing pretty good, consideriign,"
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Americans vs. The Aneurysm
133
The lady at the farmacy let him pick a cookie. She had water in her eyes. He likes green more than red. Red hurts.
"What do you say?"
"Thank you."
"You're quite welcome. So special. Have her let me know if the anti-seizure medications crazy."
"I'll let her know."
"Mom had a seijure but she is better."
"Thanks. Merry Christmas," Dad said. He takes the farmacist bag and weighs it.
"Merry Christmas to you. Look for Santa Claus."
He takes the boy by the hand and leads him down the aisle for paper and sizzers. Then they are where the soop is. After that it is coffee. Then Dad drops on one knee. He has water in his eyes. He hugs the boy.
"Come on Dad. Crying won't help. Want to share my cookie?"
-101
That Scary Sound
The boy was the first responder. Mother jolting on the sofa. His fingers dancing.
"Breathe Ivy Ivy, are you there? Ivy! Open your mouth."
"Why is Mom making that scary sound?"
"Open your mouth Ivy."
6:03. The Daily Show is on.
"Why you do that to Mom's mouth?"
"Get it out baby. She's frothing. Look out son, I'm bringing her down."
"Why Mom making that sound? Breathe! Mom why Mom not breathing?"
It's alright honey. Levi! Bring me the phone. Please. Ivy! Are you with me? The phone! Get the phone boy! Breathe!"
"Mom stop making that sound Dad. Breathe Ivy!"
-Call Waiting 104
"Why doesn't this not do what I say? Boy! Get MY phone. Hurry! Ivy! Are you with me? Hello! I need an ambulance to 932 NW Market Street. It's yellow. North side of the street. Ivy! It's o.k. My wife is having a seizure."
"Calm down sir. We have dispatched paramedics to your location."
"Ivy!"
"Sir, calm down and do exactly as I say. Is the patient breathing?"
"It's my wife. I don't know. Maybe. She's coming out of it. Ivy! Are you there? Are you breathing?"
"Mom is not breathing."
"Ivy! What day is it?"
"Sir! Calm down and do exactly as I say."
-100
You Didn't Sign It
Paperwork under the knife; signatures for vital signs. Laid out, floresent lighting; up to one in ten never get off the table. Typed tombstones flutter.
"Leave all your stuff to me."
"Knock yourself out." A woman with a hairnet ducks into the machines.
"Guardian. My Mom's crazy, but yours is a bitch."
"Mine's got money. You scared?"
"Here's the anesthetic. Count from 100."
"Not yet."
"Say goodbye?"
"Not yet." She blows out her breath like she's been holding it.
"In case of the worst."
"Just smile."
"Or worse, 86."
A guy with hairnets over his shoes begins to push her away.
-ER Breakdown 100
Running in, the city looked pasted on and the water solid. A bum worked the offramp.
"I'm not afraid to die."
"I guess that's best." Signalling at Boren. "Considering."
She pushes his button and rolls up his window. "Do you know how to get there?"
He puts his hands at ten and two. "It's a crapshoot every time. I'd be more afraid of being locked in a body and not able to do anything about it."
"This doesn't look right." Framed in the car window her head looks slanted against the background; like she's falling. "I'm in so much pain."
"Just over this hill baby. What's that?"
"Did you put in transmission fluid?"
"I thought you did. How can honking help?"
-STROKE
Dog-paddling, he said she had pretty feet. She went, "I hear you fine Mom. It's not quite Mexico. The neurologist said flying with aneurysms was fine." The boy splashed water in his nose.
He sank to the bottom where he could touch the sun.
"United bumped us in San Francisco. I'm still mad. He made me hike up the crookedest street in the world."
On his back the sun was piercing but without form.
"We miss you. It's not Christmas without family around."
He pushed off hard for the other side. The boy hugged the wall in the deep end.
100
I Don't Feel Good
"I know it hurts."
"Tell me how it hurts. It's not about you."
He sits Indian style on a cot and watches the snow accumulate outside. He drums his crossed arms. For days.
"You don't care. You never do anything for me."
"I do everything I can. I'm not perfect. I got you icecream and painted your toenails. You're in new pajamas and have coiled earrings."
"Dance for me. Faster."
In the center of ICU he threw it down.
"You're competing with the t.v. I'm missing the best part. Go to sleep."
Finally the nurse arrives with the pain meds.
128
They brought out candles for her french toast birthday dinner. The men had eggs poached in the microwave.
d
"Remember reading about electricity, boy? How the electrons jump from one atom to another? That's how those eggs got hot in the microwave. It cooked them by making their atoms shake."
"Like Mom's brain in the seijure."
"Sei-zure."
"That's not it at all. I'm fine."
He ate the pototoes with Tampico. She ate the french toast with Ranch dressing. The boy ate the baby carrots with syrup.
"There's diversity, boy. Look here, I'm mixing up the Tampico with the Ranch dressing now."
The boy looke to her for guidance. She threw her head back and snored.
"Don't do that. You know how it scares me. Think of the boy.
107
The Princess and the Pea
She has little things squirrelled away. That's what the other one had called her. "Chippie." Then this one had out of the blue started using it. Her hand slipped into a familiar place.
A knock at the door. "You in there?"
"Yeah, Mom. Come in."
"It's so dark in here. You want this light?"
"No! Turn it off. Please."
"What are you doing?"
"Going through some things."
"Good things?"
"All kinds of things. Do you miss Dad?"
"I do miss some things. What we'd have if we'd stayed together."
"You don't have anything now? What am I?"
"I put you in a place, honey. I had to."
116
Financial Hardship
"I applied. Everywhere. For everything."
"Are we going to make it?"
"Not at this rate. You need to get a real job. Who takes 5 years? We need insurance. We. Need. A car."
"Stop blaming me. Stop blaming me 100 times a day."
"Are you saying it's my fault."
"Yeah, right. I sent out 5 applications today. I try. I have no idea why I'm broken. But I'm pointing back at you. We've waited 5 years for you to be well. If you need help ask for it."
"So I have to get a job. Pick up the slack. You need help?"
"Just show me where the work is and I'll go do it."
"I'm so scared."
100
Traffic backs up as he waits to turn. Someone honks.
"How much were the pills?"
"I didn't look. Crooks all of them. The bank, the phone company, the doctors. I've had it." Her phone rings.
"Come on." he says to the oncoming traffic.
"This is she," she says. "Yes. You were late. I had to go to the hospital. Right. I ordered groceries, but I called and said I'd be out. No we won't. Just bring the food."
The boy starts crying.
"No! I can't hold. Please!" She screams and throws the phone on the floorboard.
He hits the gas, horn blaring.
96
"Thanks a lot Barack, for nothing. We need health care yesterday."
"We make 1500 phone calls to hire the Donks and they cut the student loan interest in half, but not for existing loans. They gave a break to the Generation Y selfish slackers who didn't even bother to vote."
"It's the Mexicans. That's why DSHS cut my coverage."
"Don't blame the beaners. Blame me. I do."
"Me too. No. I'm joking. It's a rightwing conspiracy."
"Family values."
"Family screws you."
"My Mom is passing me around like a shining example because I haven't cut and run."
106
He wasn't smoking, that's why. That undercurrent of need. The quivering that made him nervous; not knowing. Would he have already had his last? That's a long time to sit, waiting. The 101 blazed into town. The freeway an artery. The Sun was a grey bruise over the water. The skyline like kings pointing their embers into the grey. His fingers twitched over the keyboard and he blinked. On the knoll rolling out of the treeline was a turkey. At the offramp contemplating a crossing.
At home it was always loud. Mostly static. Women. Tending to the needs. Needing. The boy swinging through the family tree. Family.
100
The job's to keep the job. Mum's the word. Quietly catching the bus before dawn.
The language of the street, how you sound on the phone telling your boss you'll be late; letters to the man running across the street. His hand in the air and eyes wide-open.
The lady at the bus stop downtown, always talking. The men idle around the parking lot by the stop. Their cigarettes are held in a straight line by their hips.
Who's not surprised to look down and see we're smoking, holding a soda, arriving home? Where have we been? Second-hand vacations; a streetcorner. A strange tongue.
112
It's worse than being unemployed. I make too much to get welfare, but not enough to keep my wife alive.
Having set alarm to loudest radio volume, engage snooze twice before rising. Hit snooze for third time before responding to alarm. Remove covers from body in one vigorous corner folding motion. Disembark from foot of bed. Tiptoe to reset alarm clock. Remove underwear. Scratch inner thighs and buttocks as moving to kitchen. From refrigerator remove 16 oz. glass tumbler of coffee made previous night. Coffee should be liberally doctored with non-dairy creamer. Guzzle sixty-six percent of coffee. Place tumbler on kitchen counter.
Gently. You do not want to wake the bear.
139
Her body had vibrated and eyes clouded. He had pressed all his weight into her and slammed his mouth into hers, rigid. She spit up. A breath shimmered.
Shave in bathroom sink. Use grandfather's razor. Drag blade from left sidebrun across face with right hand. Approach shower. Turn on hot only and enter immediately. Rinse hair and body in cascade. Apply Ivory soap to hands thoroughly. Avoid tiny soap. Discard soap smaller than thumb. Apply lather to pits starting with left and working down arm. Rub belly, insert left index finger in belly button. Say, "Levi and Ivy." Relather for pubic then anal regions. Apply soap to hands before washing each leg and foot. Plan wardrobe. Rinse thoroughly. Apply soap to face, ears, neck and chest. Rinse. Blow nose in hands and rinse. Rinse. Squeeze water from hair. Turn tap.
66
Open mouth and insert toothbrush. Activate bristles with thumb. Brush dry, thoroughly. Rotate starting point from molar to molar each morning. Tongue last, spit and rinse with right hand. With deodorant applicator in right hand, coat left pit with four strokes. Switch applicator to left hand, apply to right pit. Recap applicator and return to medicine cabinet. Select cologne with right hand and apply to chest.
65
Remove from drawer one pair of socks and one pair of underwear appropriate to the day's need for luck, sex, or mundanity. Select from closet white t-shirt, slacks, shirt. Find boots. Fluffing testicles, apply underwear, t-shirt, socks, slacks, and boots. Collect watch, jewelry, chapstick, lighter, key, quarters, phone, notebook, wallet, and Parker. Thread belt and fasten buckle. Unplug laptop and insert in bag. Shoulder bag.
67
"Why does Mom have the procedure for her seijure?"
Mom has a bunch of doctors tellin her that's the best idea. That's all they got."
"Will procedure make her seijure feel better?"
"Coe her. Your hands are blue. I don't have your gloves. Here. Put these socks on yhour hands. they're all I got."
"Weird. Why does he have socks on his hands?"
"It's the best idea I gots."
The lady at the farmacy let him pick a cookie. She had water in her eyes. He likes green more than red. Red hurts.
"What do you say?"
"Thank you."
"You're quite welcome. So special. Have her let me know if the anti-seizure medications crazy."
"I'll let her know."
"Mom had a seijure but she is better."
"Thanks. Merry Christmas," Dad said. He takes the farmacist bag and weighs it.
"Merry Christmas to you. Look for Santa Claus."
He takes the boy by the hand and leads him down the aisle for paper and sizzers. Then they are where the soop is. After that it is coffee. Then Dad drops on one knee. He has water in his eyes. He hugs the boy.
"Come on Dad. Crying won't help. Want to share my cookie?"
-101
That Scary Sound
The boy was the first responder. Mother jolting on the sofa. His fingers dancing.
"Breathe Ivy Ivy, are you there? Ivy! Open your mouth."
"Why is Mom making that scary sound?"
"Open your mouth Ivy."
6:03. The Daily Show is on.
"Why you do that to Mom's mouth?"
"Get it out baby. She's frothing. Look out son, I'm bringing her down."
"Why Mom making that sound? Breathe! Mom why Mom not breathing?"
It's alright honey. Levi! Bring me the phone. Please. Ivy! Are you with me? The phone! Get the phone boy! Breathe!"
"Mom stop making that sound Dad. Breathe Ivy!"
-Call Waiting 104
"Why doesn't this not do what I say? Boy! Get MY phone. Hurry! Ivy! Are you with me? Hello! I need an ambulance to 932 NW Market Street. It's yellow. North side of the street. Ivy! It's o.k. My wife is having a seizure."
"Calm down sir. We have dispatched paramedics to your location."
"Ivy!"
"Sir, calm down and do exactly as I say. Is the patient breathing?"
"It's my wife. I don't know. Maybe. She's coming out of it. Ivy! Are you there? Are you breathing?"
"Mom is not breathing."
"Ivy! What day is it?"
"Sir! Calm down and do exactly as I say."
-100
You Didn't Sign It
Paperwork under the knife; signatures for vital signs. Laid out, floresent lighting; up to one in ten never get off the table. Typed tombstones flutter.
"Leave all your stuff to me."
"Knock yourself out." A woman with a hairnet ducks into the machines.
"Guardian. My Mom's crazy, but yours is a bitch."
"Mine's got money. You scared?"
"Here's the anesthetic. Count from 100."
"Not yet."
"Say goodbye?"
"Not yet." She blows out her breath like she's been holding it.
"In case of the worst."
"Just smile."
"Or worse, 86."
A guy with hairnets over his shoes begins to push her away.
-ER Breakdown 100
Running in, the city looked pasted on and the water solid. A bum worked the offramp.
"I'm not afraid to die."
"I guess that's best." Signalling at Boren. "Considering."
She pushes his button and rolls up his window. "Do you know how to get there?"
He puts his hands at ten and two. "It's a crapshoot every time. I'd be more afraid of being locked in a body and not able to do anything about it."
"This doesn't look right." Framed in the car window her head looks slanted against the background; like she's falling. "I'm in so much pain."
"Just over this hill baby. What's that?"
"Did you put in transmission fluid?"
"I thought you did. How can honking help?"
-STROKE
Dog-paddling, he said she had pretty feet. She went, "I hear you fine Mom. It's not quite Mexico. The neurologist said flying with aneurysms was fine." The boy splashed water in his nose.
He sank to the bottom where he could touch the sun.
"United bumped us in San Francisco. I'm still mad. He made me hike up the crookedest street in the world."
On his back the sun was piercing but without form.
"We miss you. It's not Christmas without family around."
He pushed off hard for the other side. The boy hugged the wall in the deep end.
100
I Don't Feel Good
"I know it hurts."
"Tell me how it hurts. It's not about you."
He sits Indian style on a cot and watches the snow accumulate outside. He drums his crossed arms. For days.
"You don't care. You never do anything for me."
"I do everything I can. I'm not perfect. I got you icecream and painted your toenails. You're in new pajamas and have coiled earrings."
"Dance for me. Faster."
In the center of ICU he threw it down.
"You're competing with the t.v. I'm missing the best part. Go to sleep."
Finally the nurse arrives with the pain meds.
128
They brought out candles for her french toast birthday dinner. The men had eggs poached in the microwave.
d
"Remember reading about electricity, boy? How the electrons jump from one atom to another? That's how those eggs got hot in the microwave. It cooked them by making their atoms shake."
"Like Mom's brain in the seijure."
"Sei-zure."
"That's not it at all. I'm fine."
He ate the pototoes with Tampico. She ate the french toast with Ranch dressing. The boy ate the baby carrots with syrup.
"There's diversity, boy. Look here, I'm mixing up the Tampico with the Ranch dressing now."
The boy looke to her for guidance. She threw her head back and snored.
"Don't do that. You know how it scares me. Think of the boy.
107
The Princess and the Pea
She has little things squirrelled away. That's what the other one had called her. "Chippie." Then this one had out of the blue started using it. Her hand slipped into a familiar place.
A knock at the door. "You in there?"
"Yeah, Mom. Come in."
"It's so dark in here. You want this light?"
"No! Turn it off. Please."
"What are you doing?"
"Going through some things."
"Good things?"
"All kinds of things. Do you miss Dad?"
"I do miss some things. What we'd have if we'd stayed together."
"You don't have anything now? What am I?"
"I put you in a place, honey. I had to."
116
Financial Hardship
"I applied. Everywhere. For everything."
"Are we going to make it?"
"Not at this rate. You need to get a real job. Who takes 5 years? We need insurance. We. Need. A car."
"Stop blaming me. Stop blaming me 100 times a day."
"Are you saying it's my fault."
"Yeah, right. I sent out 5 applications today. I try. I have no idea why I'm broken. But I'm pointing back at you. We've waited 5 years for you to be well. If you need help ask for it."
"So I have to get a job. Pick up the slack. You need help?"
"Just show me where the work is and I'll go do it."
"I'm so scared."
100
Traffic backs up as he waits to turn. Someone honks.
"How much were the pills?"
"I didn't look. Crooks all of them. The bank, the phone company, the doctors. I've had it." Her phone rings.
"Come on." he says to the oncoming traffic.
"This is she," she says. "Yes. You were late. I had to go to the hospital. Right. I ordered groceries, but I called and said I'd be out. No we won't. Just bring the food."
The boy starts crying.
"No! I can't hold. Please!" She screams and throws the phone on the floorboard.
He hits the gas, horn blaring.
96
"Thanks a lot Barack, for nothing. We need health care yesterday."
"We make 1500 phone calls to hire the Donks and they cut the student loan interest in half, but not for existing loans. They gave a break to the Generation Y selfish slackers who didn't even bother to vote."
"It's the Mexicans. That's why DSHS cut my coverage."
"Don't blame the beaners. Blame me. I do."
"Me too. No. I'm joking. It's a rightwing conspiracy."
"Family values."
"Family screws you."
"My Mom is passing me around like a shining example because I haven't cut and run."
106
He wasn't smoking, that's why. That undercurrent of need. The quivering that made him nervous; not knowing. Would he have already had his last? That's a long time to sit, waiting. The 101 blazed into town. The freeway an artery. The Sun was a grey bruise over the water. The skyline like kings pointing their embers into the grey. His fingers twitched over the keyboard and he blinked. On the knoll rolling out of the treeline was a turkey. At the offramp contemplating a crossing.
At home it was always loud. Mostly static. Women. Tending to the needs. Needing. The boy swinging through the family tree. Family.
100
The job's to keep the job. Mum's the word. Quietly catching the bus before dawn.
The language of the street, how you sound on the phone telling your boss you'll be late; letters to the man running across the street. His hand in the air and eyes wide-open.
The lady at the bus stop downtown, always talking. The men idle around the parking lot by the stop. Their cigarettes are held in a straight line by their hips.
Who's not surprised to look down and see we're smoking, holding a soda, arriving home? Where have we been? Second-hand vacations; a streetcorner. A strange tongue.
112
It's worse than being unemployed. I make too much to get welfare, but not enough to keep my wife alive.
Having set alarm to loudest radio volume, engage snooze twice before rising. Hit snooze for third time before responding to alarm. Remove covers from body in one vigorous corner folding motion. Disembark from foot of bed. Tiptoe to reset alarm clock. Remove underwear. Scratch inner thighs and buttocks as moving to kitchen. From refrigerator remove 16 oz. glass tumbler of coffee made previous night. Coffee should be liberally doctored with non-dairy creamer. Guzzle sixty-six percent of coffee. Place tumbler on kitchen counter.
Gently. You do not want to wake the bear.
139
Her body had vibrated and eyes clouded. He had pressed all his weight into her and slammed his mouth into hers, rigid. She spit up. A breath shimmered.
Shave in bathroom sink. Use grandfather's razor. Drag blade from left sidebrun across face with right hand. Approach shower. Turn on hot only and enter immediately. Rinse hair and body in cascade. Apply Ivory soap to hands thoroughly. Avoid tiny soap. Discard soap smaller than thumb. Apply lather to pits starting with left and working down arm. Rub belly, insert left index finger in belly button. Say, "Levi and Ivy." Relather for pubic then anal regions. Apply soap to hands before washing each leg and foot. Plan wardrobe. Rinse thoroughly. Apply soap to face, ears, neck and chest. Rinse. Blow nose in hands and rinse. Rinse. Squeeze water from hair. Turn tap.
66
Open mouth and insert toothbrush. Activate bristles with thumb. Brush dry, thoroughly. Rotate starting point from molar to molar each morning. Tongue last, spit and rinse with right hand. With deodorant applicator in right hand, coat left pit with four strokes. Switch applicator to left hand, apply to right pit. Recap applicator and return to medicine cabinet. Select cologne with right hand and apply to chest.
65
Remove from drawer one pair of socks and one pair of underwear appropriate to the day's need for luck, sex, or mundanity. Select from closet white t-shirt, slacks, shirt. Find boots. Fluffing testicles, apply underwear, t-shirt, socks, slacks, and boots. Collect watch, jewelry, chapstick, lighter, key, quarters, phone, notebook, wallet, and Parker. Thread belt and fasten buckle. Unplug laptop and insert in bag. Shoulder bag.
67
"Why does Mom have the procedure for her seijure?"
Mom has a bunch of doctors tellin her that's the best idea. That's all they got."
"Will procedure make her seijure feel better?"
"Coe her. Your hands are blue. I don't have your gloves. Here. Put these socks on yhour hands. they're all I got."
"Weird. Why does he have socks on his hands?"
"It's the best idea I gots."
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